My Penance

You spoke your voice

Yet you think I do not hear

So you scream

Flooding my eyes with tears

I am selfish, thinking only of me

All I ever did was love you

It would be selfish to want that in return?

So I never ask

You scream again

You Ungrateful Bitch!

As if those words have never been spoken before

It doesn’t make them hurt any less

You say you’re proud

Yet all you do is scream and yell

I try to walk away

I went away to get better for you and me

Or was it for me . . . yes me

I walked on the edge, one foot over

I was feeling so much better

Now I am one and ½ over

Now that would be selfish

But a relief, don’t you think?

I try to write, to pray

And not to think

About your hatred you feel for me

You finally revealed

My mental illness is too much for you to take

You suffer yourself

But you choose not to get help

Mine is much worse – she says

Your brain, your emotions, your physical pain

I can’t help you anymore

I walk away a gaping hole in my chest

Again she screams

 You Ungrateful Bitch!

The Darkness of the Soul

Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever

You go, and will bring you back to this land: for I will not leave

You until I have done what I have promised you.

               Genesis 28.15

Falling from the heavens

Unto my hell below

Pain and sorrow obsessed my heart

Assaulting

My

Soul

The voices captivating my mind

Shattering in my ears

Tears streaming from my eyes

Nowhere

To

Go

Will it ever be enough

Control slipping through my fingertips

I never said I was perfect

It was never enough

 For

You

So many paths I have walked

Yet never seeming to right find the one

That leads

To

Happiness

Walking aimlessly towards the darkness

Further into the shadows

Of the past

I

Cannot

Escape

Lord knows I have tried

The tears I cannot escape

Falling

Down

My

Face

I pray to the heavens above

To end my suffering

Release me from this

Hell that

Invades

My

Soul   

The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want.

He makes me lay down in green pastures;

He leads me besides still waters;

He restores my soul.

He leads me in the right paths

For his name sake.

               Psalms 23.1-3

© 2012 The Random Writings Of Me..Kates

The End

Sitting in the rain

Watching the dwindling fall of the leaves

Blackness falls unto my soul 

There is no passage

From the pain

It will never be the same

The darkness overpowers

My soul

This is the end

My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything that stands the end

I run through the maze of mirrors

Crazy

The replications of times past

Emotions of my cognizance playing hide and seek

The darkness never ended

Subdued in my subconscious

No safety or surprise, the end

I’ll never look into your eyes again

Can you picture what will be

So limitless and free

Desperately in need…of some.. Stranger’s hand..

In a desperate… Land

Lost in a Roman… Wilderness of pain

All the children are insane

Insane

Listening to the falling of the autumn rain

Feeling the blood tears

Drop 

Down

My face

Insane

Embracing the darkness

Of my

Soul

© 2012 The Random Writings Of Me..Kates