My Penance

You spoke your voice

Yet you think I do not hear

So you scream

Flooding my eyes with tears

I am selfish, thinking only of me

All I ever did was love you

It would be selfish to want that in return?

So I never ask

You scream again

You Ungrateful Bitch!

As if those words have never been spoken before

It doesn’t make them hurt any less

You say you’re proud

Yet all you do is scream and yell

I try to walk away

I went away to get better for you and me

Or was it for me . . . yes me

I walked on the edge, one foot over

I was feeling so much better

Now I am one and ½ over

Now that would be selfish

But a relief, don’t you think?

I try to write, to pray

And not to think

About your hatred you feel for me

You finally revealed

My mental illness is too much for you to take

You suffer yourself

But you choose not to get help

Mine is much worse – she says

Your brain, your emotions, your physical pain

I can’t help you anymore

I walk away a gaping hole in my chest

Again she screams

 You Ungrateful Bitch!

The Mask

Time has run away

Hours pass by

Silently

Looking from in the distance my footprints in the sand

Gazing longingly through your shining star

Philosophies once existed

Dreams glazed in the night

 Anticipation of a flicker no longer sparkles  

Gone

Looking far behind

Tears fixate my eyes

Hiding behind the mask

Never daring to display the colors that run underneath

Watching from behind

Never to reclaim the trust

The depths of sorrow run deep

Scorning my heart

Scars you will never see

Altered faces, putting on a show

My mask, that’s what you will know

The true identity of me, you will never place

For I will never let you see the real me

Buried beneath

Far gone, not even I can see

It’s preeminent this way " for you, for me

Unable to peel back layer upon layer

What lies beneath

Is my secret to keep 

  

  

© 2012 The Random Writings Of Me..Kates