Happy Birthday to an Angel that God took to soon

Today is the big 30! It seems like so long ago that we we such young kids figuring out what we were going to do with the rest of our lives.

You used to tell me that I was your angel that God sent me to you from up above, I am sorry I couldn't be there to watch over you the last year and half and protect you. You used to sing me that song by shaggy all the time, and now I hear it and cry, but I know that you are flying with the angels because that is the only possible place for someone with as big of a heart as yours to go.

I know you were confused about your life, restless, not sure which way to go, I am sorry I could not give you more guidance. But you like me, danced to your own beat. That's what made us click so well. When I was crazy, you were sane, when you were crazy, I was sane, it just worked like that. We never had to hide anything from each other, and knew what we were thinking before the other could ever say it.

I can't give you anything this year because you are not here, but I can remember you in the way that I and the people who loved you the most did.



I remember all the nights we spent at Gabor's playing pool on that table that you could rig if you slipped the quarter in just right. You introduced me to my first Dirty Martini, and you played "AT Last" by Etta James on the juke box (you knew that was the song I wanted to dance to at my wedding - you used to play it for me when we would fight too, on my voice mail)



All the nights we watched UFC, and you tried, and yes I say tried to teach me the moves, I think I had more fun, and you frustrated, but I learned to love the sport, and I still wear your TAP-OUT hoodie, and you loved that I loved Tito, hmmm he ended up with Jenna Jameson.



Can we say House Music? You used to practice in front of your mirror dancing, and I have to admit, I loved watching you on the dance floor. The moves you and Elmont, Eric and Serge came up with were pretty sick. You and Elmont had your little routines and I loved that everyone knew that we were together, Just Katy and Jose - (don't get me wrong, I had no moves on the dance floor, but I loved telling people I was with you)

All the raves and concerts we went to, the time you literally pushed me up on stage to get Bad Boy Bill's autograph, and I cried, because you knew if I didn't get I would regret it - Freaky Deaky Dance :) Richard Humpty Vission - Shut the Fuck and Dance, I have all the pictures, all the autographs - all made out to us. I will always remember.



You were the first one to point out my brother was gay, or at least make me comes to terms with it, by the way you would be pretty damn proud of him. He misses you too, thank you for opening my eyes,



So many birthdays and holidays we spent together, I remember dancing at a Christmas party with your mom and everyone kept drinking tequila, how I danced, and kept the tequila down I have no idea. But we were happy, your mom was smiling, I think your sister might have been off hiding (sorry Paula you were young, you liked to seclude yourself, but I do remember seeking you liquor), But there was 5 or 6 shots to this or to that before we ate, then we danced.WOW the next morning..... yeah......



Living with Derek, and The VIP room, David - Derek drama, I will cut you bitch, wine tasting,cyngery, X, shopping - you were the only guy that I could shop with, although I stole a lot of your clothes :), some of the nights we just went downtown and found bars that were off the map, but were interesting anyway. it was always an adventure :)



The first Christmas I spent away from my parents, remember how I tried to cook crab and shrimp? DISASTROUS! but it was fun, and you were there, and that was all that mattered.



There are so many memories good and bad, but I choose to remember the good, because that's who you were Jose. I was not your angel as you told me so many times, but you were mine, and I would give anything to talk to you or see you one more time. But I have to know that you are in a better place, you are flying with the angles, as you should be, where you belong. We had our songs that we shared but I am going to give you one more. Because one day I'll be seeing you, we all will and I can't wait.



I'll be seeing you In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces All day through.



In that small cafe; The park across the way;

The children's carousel; The chestnut trees; The wishin' well.



I'll be seeing you In every lovely summer's day;

In every thing that's light and gay.

I'll always think of you that way.



I'll find you In the morning sun And when the night is new.

I'll be looking at the moon, But I'll be seeing you.



I'll be seeing you In every lovely summer's day;

In every thing that's light and gay.

I'll always think of you that way.



I'll find you In the morning sun And when the night is new.

I'll be looking at the moon,

But I'll be seeing you.



-Billie Hollday



Happy Birthday Jose - Rest in Peace

Love you forever

Katy

It's a Spiritual Thing

There was a time when all I needed was the music, the feeling of love, PLUR -Peace, Love, Unity and Respect.



The song that found me at my first RAVE



Everybody's free to feel good

Everybody's free



Brother and sister

Together we'll make it through

Some day a spirit will lift you and take you there

I know you've been hurting but I've been waiting to be there for you

And I'll be there just helping you out

Whenever I can



Everybody's free to feel good



We are a family that should stand together as one

Helping each other instead of just wasting time

Now is the moment to reach out to someone

It's all up to you

When everyone's sharing their hope

Then love will win through



Everybody's free to feel good

Everybody's free to feel good



The song that struck my soul. Music for me at that time did something for me that nothing else did, it found apart of me that was lost. It found me apart in this world where I belonged for the first time. Even now when I listen to "techno" I still have that feeling, like I said it's a spiritual thing.



I met some of the best people during that time, made some of the best memories, and will never regret one single minute of it. Dancing till the sun came up, felling complete and utter excitement, being around people who loved you. Well maybe it was our Woodstock :)



House music, it is a spiritual thing, it moves you, and it's not just the thump, thump of the beat, it's the blow up and the mix of disco that feels the groove of the dance floor. I will never be able to explain unless you have lived it. Maybe not even then. Maybe you had to live it with us.



It's hard to believe that was ten years ago, some of us are gone. Robert Rest in Peace. Jose I will love you forever, and eve. Eric AKA Gizmo - Love you! Elmont, Montel, Ed, Serge you were my boyz! Then there were my BFF's Derek - You go Girl, you will ALWAYS have my heart! A-Derek, I will cut you bitch, Josh - you lovely thing, David Atencio - all the shit we went through and I love you like a brother.



Don't forget what we had, the bonds we formed and all the nights we DANCED!!!!!!



Brother and sister

Together we'll make it through

Some day a spirit will lift you and take you there

I know you've been hurting but I've been waiting to be there for you

And I'll be there just helping you out

Whenever I can



xoxo

New Milestones, Never forget where you came from

I am graduating college next month, a mile stone it has taken me 10 years to accomplish. I should be excited, and I should be proud, but so much is drawing me to my past, and reminding me to not forget where I came from. I know the person I am now, and it is most definitely not the person I was ten years ago. Sometimes I wonder if that's a bad thing. Did I turn into the person that I wanted to become today? Or am I hiding behind my fears of the potential I know I have. I lost someone very close to me, recently and it has made me think a lot about who I have become. It has made me think about my dreams and goals and the things I have given up, and some of the ways I have become selfish. What would he think if he knew me now. I know what he thought, and that is one of the things that hurts the most. In some ways I have lost touch with the free spirited person that I was, the person who marched to their own beat. I have molded myself into expectations of what the norm should be, and that was never me.

In this next milestone in my life, my next chapter, I am going to live my life the way that I know I am supposed to live it, the way that I know how to be happy. I am not going to try to live to your standards, or your expectations. I am who I am. And it has taken a few good friends in the last few weeks to remind me of that. I am not some image for you to compare, or for you to judge, I am who I am. Take it or leave it. I have lived life in many ways, and in the last few years I have stopped living it.

I guess what I am trying to say is it is important to move forward, but to never forget where you came from, and never forget the people who have been there along the way. There are only so many people you can count as real friends. Hold on to those ones and never forget them, because you don't know when they will be gone.

XOXO