Life, like anything is full of disappointment, things don't always go your way, no matter how hard you work or wish, or study. Sometimes it is just not meant to be. It does not make it hurt any less. But dwelling over something that was never yours to begin with sounds a little silly, right? A dream, a thought, something that never quite materialized. Something you can't quite wrap your brain around. But what if deep down there, there was a little voice telling you this was not your path? Does this mean, that God is telling you to go after what you really wanted? Can anyone say what they really want in life? Some may have their dream of marriage, kids a house with a white picked fence. But is there truly happiness in all of that? Others may have their happiness in money and cars, and fancy clothes. Do they really? What is the foundation of happiness?
I have asked myself many times, is it worth it? I don't know, at least not yet. What do I want, I don't know, and that may have prevented me from taking an important step towards my future. Which brings me back to an earlier point. Was there that voice deep down inside that really did not want that path? There is a path that I have thought about taking, many times in the last year, something I am passionate about, what has stopped me, I cannot say. Fear maybe. Rejection. The first rejection is always the hardest. However, taking this rejection is maybe the step that I needed to head me in the direction I was meant to go. Crazy as that may sound.
Last night I had a conversation with a friend, a friend who understands me better than most, her brother was my best friend, my first and only love, and I watched her grow up. Although the depression and sadness I have felt these last few days have been nothing compared to what she has felt in the last few years, she made me feel better and gave me hope. After talking to her I felt better and felt like I could move forward with my plans for the future. Although she much is younger than me, she is wise for her age, she has had to grow up so fast, and I love her for all that is she and has become. Thank you Paula.
To move forward will be a challenge, as is anything in life, but to sit here and do nothing would be a waste. Life seems to move fast, especially as you grow older, and to make change you must initiate change. No one said life would be easy.
xoxo
