I love you
I hate you
I miss you when your not here,
I can’t stand you when you are.
My anger rises at you for no reason
Then melts away when you hold me near.
I can feel you, I can feel your beat, your sweet caress.
Get the fuck away from me.
I know you’re not the one, I know I shouldn’t be…
You never understand, I will never let you understand.
I will never let you in.
You take my heart, you take my hand, I know you care
I will never let you there.
I wait for you to call then you never do,
Wait is it me who doesn’t call?
I don’t know, I can’t think.
You confuse me, you torment my heart.
Damn you,
Damn you for coming into my life,
Damn you for not being there, only when you please,
Damn you for making me believe, then taking it all away.
It’s not right, it’s not fair,
Let me have my heart back.
I can’t take it, I won’t even dare.
You’re asking me to give, give something that I can’t.
My heart is not for sale, it’s not a toy.
Damn you,
Damn you for being you.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Hello
Hello?
Hello, it’s me, you may not know,
Are you the one that speaks to me?
Are you the one that wipes away my tears?
Hello?
Are you listening?
Can you read what’s inside my head?
Can you feel the simple sensations that run through me?
Hello?
Where are you now?
You must be here.
I can feel that you are near.
Hello?
Is it you who leads me into my journey.
It is you who follows to make sure I don’t fall.
Hello?
It is you who graces my mind, and leads me to comfort.
It is you who is with me when I cry, when I smile, when I laugh, when I feel hollow.
Hello me!
It is me; I am my past, present, and future.
It is me who falls; it is me, who picks me up.
It is me who loves, and me who feels pain.
Hello,
It’s very nice to meet you!
You have been there my whole life,
You will be there for all of my life.
It is me
Hello, it’s me, you may not know,
Are you the one that speaks to me?
Are you the one that wipes away my tears?
Hello?
Are you listening?
Can you read what’s inside my head?
Can you feel the simple sensations that run through me?
Hello?
Where are you now?
You must be here.
I can feel that you are near.
Hello?
Is it you who leads me into my journey.
It is you who follows to make sure I don’t fall.
Hello?
It is you who graces my mind, and leads me to comfort.
It is you who is with me when I cry, when I smile, when I laugh, when I feel hollow.
Hello me!
It is me; I am my past, present, and future.
It is me who falls; it is me, who picks me up.
It is me who loves, and me who feels pain.
Hello,
It’s very nice to meet you!
You have been there my whole life,
You will be there for all of my life.
It is me
The Mask
Time runs,
Hours pass by,
I look behind me and say goodbye.
Looking past my steps afar,
I see the gaze of your shining star.
A star that once was, a belief that once existed.
A dream that glazed the night, a hope that rang outright.
Now I look far behind, and see the flow of steady tears.
Tomorrow is just a dream, today a nightmare.
Never will I trust again, never will I see again.
The depth of the sorrow that scorns my heart.
I know I will never let you see my scar.
Each day pretending, Each day smiling.
Putting on a mask that hides my true identity.
You may never see the real me, the real me has been buried,
Buried somewhere, so far I can not even see.
It is best this way to not scratch the surface.
What lies beneath, is not always pleasant.
Hours pass by,
I look behind me and say goodbye.
Looking past my steps afar,
I see the gaze of your shining star.
A star that once was, a belief that once existed.
A dream that glazed the night, a hope that rang outright.
Now I look far behind, and see the flow of steady tears.
Tomorrow is just a dream, today a nightmare.
Never will I trust again, never will I see again.
The depth of the sorrow that scorns my heart.
I know I will never let you see my scar.
Each day pretending, Each day smiling.
Putting on a mask that hides my true identity.
You may never see the real me, the real me has been buried,
Buried somewhere, so far I can not even see.
It is best this way to not scratch the surface.
What lies beneath, is not always pleasant.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Heaven
The smell of lilies wisps across the valley; she looks upon the sun that sets in the horizon. What a beautiful day, what a beautiful day, she thinks to herself.
She gathers her skirt around her, so as not to trip on the uneven ground, one last look at the beautiful sky above her and she is on her way home. She is careful so she doesn’t spill the basket of freshly picked berries and flowers that she has picked for him.
For him, she tries, tries so hard, to please him, to make him happy.
Everything he wants, she does. She does not want to make him angry; she does not want to make him crazy.
As she walks, she can still feel the bruising of the beating from last night. She is getting better at hiding them. He doesn’t let her out often. She doesn’t have to hide it as much,
The late afternoon sun caresses her face, and brings warmth to her heart, just a few more minutes of freedom….. Freedom, before she has to return.
It wasn’t always this bad, once he was a loving, caring gentle person, once he kissed and caressed her, instead of beating and molesting her. There was a time long ago, when there was laughter and love.
Each day she hopes for the laughter to return, each day she wakes and prays that this is the day, the day when he realizes he needs her and loves her.
She walks up the path that leads to their home, you would never know by the beauty of the home, the pain that lies within. The flowers line the walkway, the fountain flows so sweetly, the birds sit upon the tree and chirp their beautiful song.
As she walks through the door a sigh of relief washes over her as she realizes he is not home yet, she still has time to make his dinner. A fear rises in her suddenly; she can not remember what it is he wanted, what did they have last night? Was it chicken or steak?
Everything has to be planned so perfectly, so carefully, never the same thing two nights in a row. For if even the same vegetable is served, a beating is sure to follow.
She hears his car coming up the driveway, it is too late, and once again she has failed.
She has made him mad, she knows even before he walks in the door.
The screaming starts almost immediately, the first kick, she cowers to the ground.
“I tried, I tired for you”, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t hear her. He takes the basket of carefully arranged berries and flowers and beats her with them, the petals falling all around. The flowers she so thoughtfully arranged are everywhere.
He takes the berries and smashes them into her face, telling her to eat them, If she can be such a selfish cunt, she can eat them.
She tries to tell him they are for him; she tries to tell him she loves him. The tears are streaming down her face; the blood is pouring over her eyes blurring her vision.
He beats her more, telling her she is a crybaby, she is nothing, and he beats her till she is unconscious.
She lies there on the ground and she knows this is it, the end. She can see him standing above her telling her to get up; she no longer has the strength. He kicks her again, this time in the head. She can hear his hateful words, bitch, cunt, slut. She knows she is none of these, at least she once believed. She can feel the continuous blows to her stomach, her head, the words….. “get up you selfish bitch” “get up” “you still need to cook me dinner you cunt” She can feel the pool of blood forming around here, she can no longer feel the pain, in and out, in and out,
The final blow, he knows that this time he went too far, he knows she will never recover.
Once last shot to the head and she lies there lifelessly.
It wasn’t always bad he tells himself, I did love her once. He watches her die thinking this; he watches her die knowing he had no other choice.
He carries her body to the backyard, where he digs a shallow grave. He looks in and sees the petals strewn across the kitchen floor. He takes one last look at her and he puts the gun to his mouth,
She is running through the fields of flowers she had once picked for the man who murdered her. She stops to smell the lilies; she stops to feel the breeze. She gathers her bouquet in a beautifully woven basket, and falls back on the clouds and looks down from heaven. A single tear escapes her eye, a tear of joy.
She gathers her skirt around her, so as not to trip on the uneven ground, one last look at the beautiful sky above her and she is on her way home. She is careful so she doesn’t spill the basket of freshly picked berries and flowers that she has picked for him.
For him, she tries, tries so hard, to please him, to make him happy.
Everything he wants, she does. She does not want to make him angry; she does not want to make him crazy.
As she walks, she can still feel the bruising of the beating from last night. She is getting better at hiding them. He doesn’t let her out often. She doesn’t have to hide it as much,
The late afternoon sun caresses her face, and brings warmth to her heart, just a few more minutes of freedom….. Freedom, before she has to return.
It wasn’t always this bad, once he was a loving, caring gentle person, once he kissed and caressed her, instead of beating and molesting her. There was a time long ago, when there was laughter and love.
Each day she hopes for the laughter to return, each day she wakes and prays that this is the day, the day when he realizes he needs her and loves her.
She walks up the path that leads to their home, you would never know by the beauty of the home, the pain that lies within. The flowers line the walkway, the fountain flows so sweetly, the birds sit upon the tree and chirp their beautiful song.
As she walks through the door a sigh of relief washes over her as she realizes he is not home yet, she still has time to make his dinner. A fear rises in her suddenly; she can not remember what it is he wanted, what did they have last night? Was it chicken or steak?
Everything has to be planned so perfectly, so carefully, never the same thing two nights in a row. For if even the same vegetable is served, a beating is sure to follow.
She hears his car coming up the driveway, it is too late, and once again she has failed.
She has made him mad, she knows even before he walks in the door.
The screaming starts almost immediately, the first kick, she cowers to the ground.
“I tried, I tired for you”, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t hear her. He takes the basket of carefully arranged berries and flowers and beats her with them, the petals falling all around. The flowers she so thoughtfully arranged are everywhere.
He takes the berries and smashes them into her face, telling her to eat them, If she can be such a selfish cunt, she can eat them.
She tries to tell him they are for him; she tries to tell him she loves him. The tears are streaming down her face; the blood is pouring over her eyes blurring her vision.
He beats her more, telling her she is a crybaby, she is nothing, and he beats her till she is unconscious.
She lies there on the ground and she knows this is it, the end. She can see him standing above her telling her to get up; she no longer has the strength. He kicks her again, this time in the head. She can hear his hateful words, bitch, cunt, slut. She knows she is none of these, at least she once believed. She can feel the continuous blows to her stomach, her head, the words….. “get up you selfish bitch” “get up” “you still need to cook me dinner you cunt” She can feel the pool of blood forming around here, she can no longer feel the pain, in and out, in and out,
The final blow, he knows that this time he went too far, he knows she will never recover.
Once last shot to the head and she lies there lifelessly.
It wasn’t always bad he tells himself, I did love her once. He watches her die thinking this; he watches her die knowing he had no other choice.
He carries her body to the backyard, where he digs a shallow grave. He looks in and sees the petals strewn across the kitchen floor. He takes one last look at her and he puts the gun to his mouth,
She is running through the fields of flowers she had once picked for the man who murdered her. She stops to smell the lilies; she stops to feel the breeze. She gathers her bouquet in a beautifully woven basket, and falls back on the clouds and looks down from heaven. A single tear escapes her eye, a tear of joy.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Numb
There is a road that leads somewhere,
There is a road that leads no where.
Deep inside the depths of hell,
My sorrow sings like the first Noell.
I look upon a chirping bird, but can not hear the song that escapes.
I look beyond me, not really seeing,
Nor really feeling,
Just empty tears.....
Just empty smiles....
Just laughter that has no meaning,
A hollow shell in which I exist.
A shell I call my home,
A comfort that makes you numb.
Numb to the surroundings that make you real, numb to the pain that has no consideration as to how you feel.
Numb to the ones, who praise their love, numb to the ones that reach to guide you.
Everyday you walk,
Walk,
Walk,
to a place where you can be comfortably numb.
There is no outlet, there is no escape....
Even though you are away, You are still here...
Existing in this shell.
There is a road that leads no where.
Deep inside the depths of hell,
My sorrow sings like the first Noell.
I look upon a chirping bird, but can not hear the song that escapes.
I look beyond me, not really seeing,
Nor really feeling,
Just empty tears.....
Just empty smiles....
Just laughter that has no meaning,
A hollow shell in which I exist.
A shell I call my home,
A comfort that makes you numb.
Numb to the surroundings that make you real, numb to the pain that has no consideration as to how you feel.
Numb to the ones, who praise their love, numb to the ones that reach to guide you.
Everyday you walk,
Walk,
Walk,
to a place where you can be comfortably numb.
There is no outlet, there is no escape....
Even though you are away, You are still here...
Existing in this shell.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
How Could You
I gave you my heart freely,
Never did I believe you would run with it.
I gave you trust,
You broke my heart.
I gave you a second chance,
You said you cared,
you made my believe that it would be better.
You broke down my barrier,
You allowed me to trust,
Then you ran, ran far and left me to pick up my heart.
So long it took me to allow someone in,
How could I know that I let the wrong person in.
How could I have trusted you?
How could I have fallen?
How could I believe that it would be different?
Now I know, there is no fairytale,
Now I know I am better by myself.
Now I know not to give my heart so freely,
For the pain you caused, is to much to bear.
I walk by myself,
I learn on my own.
I will pick up my heart.
Someday, again I will be strong.
Never did I believe you would run with it.
I gave you trust,
You broke my heart.
I gave you a second chance,
You said you cared,
you made my believe that it would be better.
You broke down my barrier,
You allowed me to trust,
Then you ran, ran far and left me to pick up my heart.
So long it took me to allow someone in,
How could I know that I let the wrong person in.
How could I have trusted you?
How could I have fallen?
How could I believe that it would be different?
Now I know, there is no fairytale,
Now I know I am better by myself.
Now I know not to give my heart so freely,
For the pain you caused, is to much to bear.
I walk by myself,
I learn on my own.
I will pick up my heart.
Someday, again I will be strong.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
The Beautiful Existence of Me
So many things I see in the beautiful existence of me,
There is pain,
There is sorrow,
Without it I wouldn't be me.
Tomorrow is here,
Yesterday is gone,
Look at me, I will forever be strong.
You taught me to live,
You taught me to love,
Without you, I would be gone.
There are so many things to see,
In the beautiful existence of me.
There is laughter,
There is passion,
Amid the anger, there was a reason.
You gave me a life,
A new beginning,
I now can see,
The beautiful existence of me.
There is pain,
There is sorrow,
Without it I wouldn't be me.
Tomorrow is here,
Yesterday is gone,
Look at me, I will forever be strong.
You taught me to live,
You taught me to love,
Without you, I would be gone.
There are so many things to see,
In the beautiful existence of me.
There is laughter,
There is passion,
Amid the anger, there was a reason.
You gave me a life,
A new beginning,
I now can see,
The beautiful existence of me.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
The Beautiful Things
Do you ever stop to look at the beautiful things in life?
The flower that grows along side the road, smelling so sweetly.
The bird that sits upon the branch chirping away, guarding her nest.
The waterfalls that flow ever so beautifully and splashes so gracefully.
The touch of someone you care so much about and the laughter they bring to your heart.
Do you ever stop to appreciate the the stars that shine so bright,
The moon that graces your face in the night.
The sun falling over the horizon, or waking you in the morning, blessing you with the first light of day.
Do you ever stop to smell the rain,
Or watch the clouds as they roll above you.
Do you ever wonder why god created this unsparing earth,
and so graciously blessed us with the beauty that lies within?
The gracious mementos of life we take for granted everyday, bring so much light into the darkness of today.
Stop for a moment and play
For we are blessed with this wonderful playground each and everyday.
The flower that grows along side the road, smelling so sweetly.
The bird that sits upon the branch chirping away, guarding her nest.
The waterfalls that flow ever so beautifully and splashes so gracefully.
The touch of someone you care so much about and the laughter they bring to your heart.
Do you ever stop to appreciate the the stars that shine so bright,
The moon that graces your face in the night.
The sun falling over the horizon, or waking you in the morning, blessing you with the first light of day.
Do you ever stop to smell the rain,
Or watch the clouds as they roll above you.
Do you ever wonder why god created this unsparing earth,
and so graciously blessed us with the beauty that lies within?
The gracious mementos of life we take for granted everyday, bring so much light into the darkness of today.
Stop for a moment and play
For we are blessed with this wonderful playground each and everyday.
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