My Penance

You spoke your voice

Yet you think I do not hear

So you scream

Flooding my eyes with tears

I am selfish, thinking only of me

All I ever did was love you

It would be selfish to want that in return?

So I never ask

You scream again

You Ungrateful Bitch!

As if those words have never been spoken before

It doesn’t make them hurt any less

You say you’re proud

Yet all you do is scream and yell

I try to walk away

I went away to get better for you and me

Or was it for me . . . yes me

I walked on the edge, one foot over

I was feeling so much better

Now I am one and ½ over

Now that would be selfish

But a relief, don’t you think?

I try to write, to pray

And not to think

About your hatred you feel for me

You finally revealed

My mental illness is too much for you to take

You suffer yourself

But you choose not to get help

Mine is much worse – she says

Your brain, your emotions, your physical pain

I can’t help you anymore

I walk away a gaping hole in my chest

Again she screams

 You Ungrateful Bitch!

The End

Sitting in the rain

Watching the dwindling fall of the leaves

Blackness falls unto my soul 

There is no passage

From the pain

It will never be the same

The darkness overpowers

My soul

This is the end

My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything that stands the end

I run through the maze of mirrors

Crazy

The replications of times past

Emotions of my cognizance playing hide and seek

The darkness never ended

Subdued in my subconscious

No safety or surprise, the end

I’ll never look into your eyes again

Can you picture what will be

So limitless and free

Desperately in need…of some.. Stranger’s hand..

In a desperate… Land

Lost in a Roman… Wilderness of pain

All the children are insane

Insane

Listening to the falling of the autumn rain

Feeling the blood tears

Drop 

Down

My face

Insane

Embracing the darkness

Of my

Soul

© 2012 The Random Writings Of Me..Kates