Drunkenness, we have all been there, we have all made asses out of ourselves… So let's talk for a moment about the do's and don'ts .
1) NEVER EVER drunk dial or text, good friends are excluded from this rule. Do you ever wake up after a night of absolute partying, and look at your phone the next morning and think, "OMG why did I call my ex? What was I thinking? What did I say?" Then a sinking feeling develops in the pit of your stomach and redness covers your face, and you ponder all day about what was said…. You are afraid to call them because you know you embarrassed yourself completely… "I fink I vhant you back…. Slur, slur" "vhat happened between us? Slur, Slur"…. Yeah we have all been there….
Then you look at your outgoing texts…… All fuckered up because 1) you had to close one eye to concentrate on what you were texting and 2) it's all mumble jumbo…. No response from the other party…. "Thank god, maybe they knew I was drunk….
Then come the dreaded phone calls of the people you called/texted the night before.. "Dude you were wasted" "Sorry getting back together is not an option"
Ok redness in the face again…. My advice, give your phone to a designated, trusted phone holder. Lucky for me, I have learned to control the drunken dialing and use my better judgment when it comes to this.
2) We tend to feel more confident as the drinks go down. Me, well I am a repeated offender of this. First of all I can not carry a tune, and have been told I sound like a beached whale when I sing, but for some reason as 1, 2, 3 drinks invade my system I am the next Carrie Underwood…. Can I sing? Absolutely NOT! I still seem to think I can after a few… ?
3) Again let's talk about the confidence thing, KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! This I seem to have under control, now. As I turned the ripe old age of 21, well let's just say I was the flasher of all flashers…… Yes I got caught with my shirt up and on camera that was posted on a flyer for the next event the coming weekend…. Yeah not so proud of that one! Again I blame my age and stupidity for that one, but hey we learn. After that I kept my shirt down. Going to the club I see many girls in their short skirts and mid-drift tops, showing ALL their stuff, and I do mean ALL. Now this to me is asking for pure attention…. But hey, they are young, again you live, you learn…
4) On to the subject of liquor… Stick with the one's that don't make you crazy. For me it's Tequila…. I have a drunk happy Katy, then I have a mean, bitchy Tequila Katy, and let me tell you it is not pretty. I also tend to black out when drinking this drink. When my first roommate and I lived together we decided to have a margarita party, we bought a 1.75 leader of the good ol' Jose… There were five of us and well, it was a night to say the least. One of our friends jumped off the balcony of our apartment and ran like I have never see before… I just remember us all saying "Run Forrest, Run". Did I mention we lived on the fifth floor? This was after a fist fight over drunkenness nothingness; did I mention we were all good friends? Well to end here I woke up in my bed wearing a dress I have never seen before with a feather boa around my neck…. HHHMMM…. I remember thinking to myself, what happened to the darkness? O well.
5) Never get into deep conversations with people you don't know very well, and tell them your life story. Again I am a repeated offender of this. I tend to talk, talk, talk, about EVERYTHING, just ask my friend Melanie…. I was so close to her, "Melanie, you don't understand, but Melanie, just listen" I must have said her name a million times, or so I was told. Now don't get me wrong I have met some fine individuals while having a few cocktails, but the conversation always revolves around weird but interesting topics, not something I might discuss if I were sober.….. My advice be careful what you say.
6) Now fellows, this one is for you….. If you can't dance when you are sober, well don't even attempt it when you are intoxicated. You will make an ABSOLUTE fool of yourself, just like my beached whale singing…hehe. Us girls are not impressed with your Michael Jackson moves, or dirty dancing while stepping on our toes, not fun, especially in 5 inc high heel shoes….
7) Again fellows another one for you…. Save your pick up lines for the 14 year old girls….. No I am not tired; I don't care if I have been running through your head all night. Don't call me a sexy mama, and lick your lips like you are going to get some… DREAM ON! Let's see another line that has been used on me, "I forgot my number can I have yours?" WTF???? No you may not have my number. Then the classic, line "You need to ditch the guy your with and come home with me" UM NO THANK YOU! This has actually been used on me as I am walking through the club, holing my guys hand, I feel a tug on the shoulder and Bam…. Get over yourself I am with him. Now I know all guys are not like this, just the ones that should we say have a big head, and an even bigger head after a few drink, so guys don't get all hurt, this does not apply to all of you!
Well these are my grips, advice, embarrassments, laughter and fun…. All in the name of the three D's, DRINK, DRUNK and DRANK. We have all had these experiences I am sure ?
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