Attention Important Notice to Drivers of the Northwest

I would like to post this notice to the drivers of the Northwest, Please read as there are some rules I would like followed.

1) If you are driving in the fast lane usually this consists of the left lane and you see a car come up on you, PLEASE get over! DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT slow down and piddle your way, YOU are holding up traffic!



2) If you are going to drive in the left lane aka fast lane, PLEASE OH PLEASE go the speed limit, yes this consists of going at least the speed limit if not a few miles over. There is a reason why there are signs that say SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT. Please people obey this rule; you are annoying those of us, who are trying to get somewhere. DO NOT GO 50 in a 60 speed zone, and if you chose to go slow, PLEASE move to the RIGHT, yes that would be the passenger side of your car in case you didn’t know.



3) There is ABSOLUTLEY NO REASON why you should slow down if someone is getting pulled over. Come on people, when someone gets pulled over it usually consists of the police officer getting out of his car, walking up to the offender and getting his license and registration, going back to his car, running the information and either he will give a ticket or not. I guess it would depend on how hot the girl/guy is (depending on the sex of the officer) or if the offender is pulling the crying act (I have used this technique and it works, I don’t advice you to try this). No matter what is happening it is NONE of YOUR BUSINESS and really is it that interesting? I think not, so People MOVE ALONG! You make me late and I missed my train. THANK YOU!

4) Please do not cut me off and then slow down, you are only encouraging my road rage. If there is a tiny spot, do NOT try to squeeze into it, and when you don’t put your blinker on, well it’s not my fault if I hit you! It is not that hard to put on your blinker and wait for someone to let you in, I have done this many times and YES people it works!!! Now if you are one of those who wait till the last minute to get over before your exit, well tough! Chances are I won’t let you in, please DO NOT give ME the finger, it is your fault for being a procrastinator, and I don’t feel sorry for you. Plan ahead. You know where your exit is. Hey I have to sit in traffic too, but like most people I try to be patient and again it’s annoying when someone butts in after you have been sitting there for 15 minutes.

5) Next and last, people it rains 9 MONTHS out of THE YEAR here! Why oh why can you not drive in it? I lived in Colorado all my life and it rains there too, not as much, but you would expect that us Coloradoans would be a little more cautious while driving in the rain, No not the case. We drive just fine in the rain, I was expecting the same here if not better, and I mean you guys are used to it! I have never in my life seen such dumb ass drivers when it rains, even when it sprinkles. I mean WTF???? I understand the ice, that is scary, but the rain, come on; it is no cause to go 20mph on the highway! RIDICULOUS, plain and simple. I hear people talk a lot about all the people moving here that don’t know how to drive HA! I have been to a few different places, and nobody drives like they do here! SLOW!




If I offend you I am sorry, but come on you know it’s true. Let’s pick up the pace, do not get distracted on things that really are not that interesting. Learn to drive in the rain, move over, go the speed limit for heaven’s sake. There are a few other things that bother me, but I will not go into it because then I may REALLY offend some, so we will leave it at that. If you have anything to add, by all means add away!

xoxo

Mathematical Incompetence

Give me a word any word, I'll put it in a sentence, I'll give you a meaning, I'll write an entire story about one word…… Give me a book, any book, I'll read it and then summarize it for you, I'll even read it to you if you want.

But then, you……

Give me a number, any number…… O MY GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!! Numbers what? What are they? How do they work, what do I do with them? Where do I put them, I feel an anxiety attack coming on… Think; Think hard… what is 2 + 2? I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!
Yes these were my thoughts today at work. I was given a project, at first glance sure it was easy, and I can do this. Then I feel the sweat come on, I start to feel anxious, and then I realize… Damn I should have paid more attention when I was in school…. Algebra. I HATE ALGEBRA! Hell I HATE math, period, no questions asked. It is my worst subject, my worst fear…. I knew eventually it would catch up with me, I knew one day I would have to use it. Then I cried.
I know nothing about math, basic math sure, if I have a calculator. If I don't forget it, I even have an easy tip calculator on my phone so I can figure out tips…. I am so bad. I never even learned my times tables, I still count on my fingers for god's sake.
Today was my test, I was given a large project at work that involved figuring out formulas for expectations we haven't met and why, I had to figure out the time it took us to do the project right down to the minute, and why it took us that long and how it we could improve it, ALL WITH NUMBERS! There were no words; there was no getting around this one. I actually thought about quitting…. This was not in my job description! I do not remember reading anything about doing MATH!!!! What was I going to do? (Putting my head down on my desk in despair)
There you have it, my weakness, my downfall….. MATH! I am incompetent when it comes to this, and here I was looking at a spreadsheet full of numbers, looking for the outcome of more numbers, all blurring together, numbers, I want to cry…….
"Relax, just relax" I tell myself "I can do this". "Relate it to something you know, ANYTHING, you have to do this!" So I start talking it out, yes I was talking out loud, to myself, laugh if you must. My boss did, when he walked by my office and asked me if I was on the phone and then realizing I was talking gibberish about numbers. He laughed, I laughed, and it was funny….. Here I am at work, talking to myself about numbers, trying to relate it to something I know, you would laugh too. Come on you are laughing now….
I know you are…..
I had to teach myself algebra; or rather I had to remember algebra, I had to figure out these formulas and I had to do it today. After 3 long hours of banging my head on my desk, taking numerous walks to calm down and telling myself over and over again "I can do this, I can so this" I did! I talked my way through it and when I checked it with my manager (fearing I had it all wrong and I was going to be the laughing stock of the office) it was all correct… Did I just do math? I think I did, I nearly had a mental breakdown in the process, but I did it!
Now don't try to test me on anything because I still know nothing about math, I can not tell you what the square root of 20 is, or what 12x6 is, or what a + b = c is, I don't know division, I don't know fractions, and I still don't know my times tables. I don't want flash cards; I prefer counting on my fingers thanks! I am just happy I got through the mathematical roadblock I was given today…. I am still a complete math idiot, but I did it and that is what is important. I learned that even if you are mathematically challenged, if you are determined enough you can do it!



xoxo

Thank You

Thank you for being there when I needed you the most,
Thank you for leaving me when I pulled it all together.

Thank you for taking my heart, and holding it so gently,
Then ripping it to shreds….once again.

Thank you for making me believe that what I saw in you was real,
Thank you for taking it all away and leaving me in tears.

Thank you for being so understanding at the time,
Then holding it against me, and messing with my mind.

Thank you for all that you are and all that you have done,
You made me stronger, pushed me to be better, then left me far behind.

Thank you for making me feel so deeply for you,
Thank you for telling me, it's not the same for you.

Thank you ever so much for stringing me along,
Playing games, hurting me, then you don't even care.

Thank you for all of your time,
But I don't need you anymore.

You take me for granted, leave me to cry, to hurt, to you it's just a game.

Thank you for making me realize that you were a complete waste of time, Thank you for waking me up, this time I will leave you behind.

No need to say how you really feel, I know, you said, I don't need to hear it again.

Thank you once again asshole.

Kates

One Left Behind

Sometimes we hurt, many times we cry. Life can be good; life can crush your heart so hard that it makes you want to scream. Somehow, someway we will get through it. After many nights of laying awake and wondering what went wrong, one day you will wake up and realize, it just wasn’t meant to be. You will cry, sometimes so hard your head will hurt, your throat will swell and you’ll understand the pain of a heart ache. Some say it is better to love than to never have loved at all. I think this is true. You love, you hate, your heart screams so loud, you can’t sleep. All the time you put into someone, only to have them tell you they don’t love you back. If it’s been this long maybe they never will. Then it’s time to let go.

The pills help ease the pain, the loss of feeling can make you numb. Numb to the pain in your heart. There is no simple answer; there is no simple thought, just memories and pain. All wrapped into one. You loose your train of thought, you lose your concentration. Then one day you wake up and realize, it is for the best. Getting to that is the hardest part, it can make you crazy, it can make you indescribable. But that is not the concern of the one who has hurt you, that is not the concern of the one who broke your heart.

Now there is no one to talk to, no one to turn to, just me; exactly as it should have been in the first place. Now it is time, time for myself time for my heart to heal. Because right now it is broken and he doesn’t care.

© 2007 The Random Writings Of Me... Kates

Broken Soul

The Pain sears me deep inside, twisting my heart, releasing my tears.

One step forward, three steps back.

Learning to love, to care all over again, I begin.

Thoughts of you invade my mind, and I wonder why?

I think of you often and miss your touch, your kiss, your heart.

I miss us; I miss your gentle caress, the closeness that we shared.

The comfort of waking up next to you and knowing you were there.

The laughter, the fun, being you, being me, believing we could.

Where did you go? Why did you leave?

When did you stop caring and loving me?

The questions that surround my mind are killing me inside,

Splitting my soul, leaving me confused.

Walking alone once again, scared to lose unwilling to try.

Is it worth the pain, should it be this hard? My tears fall, over you.

It is so hard to say goodbye.

© 2007 The Random Writings Of Me... Kates

Underlying Silence

The fog creeps within my soul, it hovers over my heart.

The silence of my convictions wears on me, it tears me deep inside.

Look at my face; see the pain, the tears, and the hate.

Feel the coldness of my heart, there is no warmth to cuddle your tenderness.

There is nothing there, nothing for you to feel, for you to crush.

My eyes are the color of the darkest night; the moon shows no mercy on my soul.

Daylight creeps inside, and is crushed by the utter silence of my soul.

The liquid trickles down my throat, slowly, fogging my mind.

I can not feel the pain, the numbness deep inside.

Slowly my pain is eased away; my mind is oblivious to the torture of my heart.

The smile I wear is fading from my lips; the anger is easing my stride.

As I slip into unconsciousness I can feel the pain subsiding through out my body.

The moon hovers in the night, the stars shine, the fog cleanses my mind.



Underlying Silence tortures my mind…

My Personal Prayer

Please give me the strength to be who I am,
Please help me see the beauty that lies within.

Give me the strength to reach deep inside,
Find me, and love me.

Teach me to love others, and find the courage to fight my own battles.
Help me to understand the pain of my past, to grow from it and make me whole again.

Please give me the courage to stop my tears, and find my laughter.
Please give me the courage to stand up for me, and not let others treat with me disrespect,
Walk all over me and crush my heart.
When this happens God, please, O please, give me the courage to move forward.

Teach me to walk, to stand, to move on my own.
When I am down, give me the courage to stand on my own two feet again.
To walk with my held high and be proud of whom I am,

Please God, give me myself back.
I need to borrow some of your strength, I need a shoulder to cry on, I need a hand to hold mine, for just a little while. I need you.

My courage has been misplaced, my strength has been hiding, my confidence has been buried. I need to find myself. I need to be me, again.

I miss the laughter, I miss the carefree girl, who used to look at the world and say “look at me, here I come!” Where has this girl gone, where is she hiding? Please God, help me find her again.

Help me create a new story, a story I can be proud of, a story I am not ashamed to tell others. Please God help me.
Help me, be me.