Give me a word any word, I'll put it in a sentence, I'll give you a meaning, I'll write an entire story about one word…… Give me a book, any book, I'll read it and then summarize it for you, I'll even read it to you if you want.
But then, you……
Give me a number, any number…… O MY GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!! Numbers what? What are they? How do they work, what do I do with them? Where do I put them, I feel an anxiety attack coming on… Think; Think hard… what is 2 + 2? I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!
Yes these were my thoughts today at work. I was given a project, at first glance sure it was easy, and I can do this. Then I feel the sweat come on, I start to feel anxious, and then I realize… Damn I should have paid more attention when I was in school…. Algebra. I HATE ALGEBRA! Hell I HATE math, period, no questions asked. It is my worst subject, my worst fear…. I knew eventually it would catch up with me, I knew one day I would have to use it. Then I cried.
I know nothing about math, basic math sure, if I have a calculator. If I don't forget it, I even have an easy tip calculator on my phone so I can figure out tips…. I am so bad. I never even learned my times tables, I still count on my fingers for god's sake.
Today was my test, I was given a large project at work that involved figuring out formulas for expectations we haven't met and why, I had to figure out the time it took us to do the project right down to the minute, and why it took us that long and how it we could improve it, ALL WITH NUMBERS! There were no words; there was no getting around this one. I actually thought about quitting…. This was not in my job description! I do not remember reading anything about doing MATH!!!! What was I going to do? (Putting my head down on my desk in despair)
There you have it, my weakness, my downfall….. MATH! I am incompetent when it comes to this, and here I was looking at a spreadsheet full of numbers, looking for the outcome of more numbers, all blurring together, numbers, I want to cry…….
"Relax, just relax" I tell myself "I can do this". "Relate it to something you know, ANYTHING, you have to do this!" So I start talking it out, yes I was talking out loud, to myself, laugh if you must. My boss did, when he walked by my office and asked me if I was on the phone and then realizing I was talking gibberish about numbers. He laughed, I laughed, and it was funny….. Here I am at work, talking to myself about numbers, trying to relate it to something I know, you would laugh too. Come on you are laughing now….
I know you are…..
I had to teach myself algebra; or rather I had to remember algebra, I had to figure out these formulas and I had to do it today. After 3 long hours of banging my head on my desk, taking numerous walks to calm down and telling myself over and over again "I can do this, I can so this" I did! I talked my way through it and when I checked it with my manager (fearing I had it all wrong and I was going to be the laughing stock of the office) it was all correct… Did I just do math? I think I did, I nearly had a mental breakdown in the process, but I did it!
Now don't try to test me on anything because I still know nothing about math, I can not tell you what the square root of 20 is, or what 12x6 is, or what a + b = c is, I don't know division, I don't know fractions, and I still don't know my times tables. I don't want flash cards; I prefer counting on my fingers thanks! I am just happy I got through the mathematical roadblock I was given today…. I am still a complete math idiot, but I did it and that is what is important. I learned that even if you are mathematically challenged, if you are determined enough you can do it!
xoxo
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